A gay friend is always the best option..

...and in order to keep my legs crossed, I decided that the only possible option was to go out with someone that I did not fancy...or was gay...or with girlfriends...

So while the week was going by without anything really relevant to report, I was looking forward to my girly weekend...few drinks on Friday and an amazing invitation for a modern ballet on the Saturday. But while this was happening...guessed who texted me? No.....whoever you are thinking of...it's completely WRONG...remember...usually the guy you fancy (or you kind of expect a call from even if you do not really fancy him!) never calls you back......

No no no...my third MSF date texted me to see whether I fancied going out with him again, this time for few drinks. Ok I would be a liar if I said that I wasn't flattered....but I do not really think I can waste my time with him, while looking for the One...but how can you say it in a nice way?

That's another problem , I was waiting for this to happen....

You go out with someone, he fancies you but you don't fancy him. How can you put it in a nice way? Reality is...you cannot do it! You need to lie...or ignore the person! Luckily I used the excuse that I was really busy with work...and 'unfortunately' he left for two weeks, on holiday! So fo now the problem has been postoponed cause, somehow....I kinda of arranged to meet up with him, when he is back! But this is another story...

Sorted, in my own confused way, the problem of getting rid of a potential second date (!) I decided to go out with my Italian friend that Friday...when it did hit me that there was something wrong with me!

So my two Italian ladies friends managed to carry on the relationships with the two guys we were out with the previous Friday...one of them even travelling to Manchester to meet up with the boy the following Friday (everything is always happing on Friday in my life!)....while I was only trying to come to terms with another failure in my search for the right person to spend the rest of my life with...

I felt slightly better when all the comments about M. were not really nice: "he is really weird", "you are way too beautiful for him" (I love my girlfriends!)...."I've got the right boy for you"...WHAT? Where is he? So in all the mess of another drunken Firday night in a champagne bar, eating seefood...I managed to get another date...for the following weekend! Better than that! This is what I call destiny!

So before getting myself into even more trouble...my housemate carried me home...

And the next day (Saturday) I got ready for my date...with my gay friend. This was my tactic to make sure that I was going to keep my leg crossed....cause we had the same taste ;) !

And you know what? I discovered that men (gay men) go through the same questions, issues, problems of all of us single ladies....maybe the big difference is that they take it more lightly, they might questions themselves and the reason why someone is not calling back...but they do not OVER analyse! They just move on, quicker...much quicker!

The ballet was amazing...dinner...and a quick drink in a gay bar...I loved it! And I think I need to have more gay time to appriciate life! They are so much more easy going...and know how to have fun!

So my weekend changed the perspective of myself! I felt better with myself...and ready to keep searching, dating, making mistakes and learn from them!

Till the next time!

Third MSF Date

...after recovering from the messy Friday night/Saturday morning expirience...I decided that I needed a 'boost confidence date'....

So when one of the MSF guys I was chatting with proposed to meet up for coffee that Sunday...I accepted.

When we met I noticed immediately that he had no sense of style! And this is quite important for an Italian girl. Never ever wear a blue T-Shirt with back smart trousers and smart shoes! Don't try to mix too many styles!

He is a little bit youger than me and again as tall as me! I want a man who can protect me...so I expect them to be quite tall...but then this is my fault as you can see how tall they are, it is in the profile! But I guess I am too lazy to transform feet into cm! And I pay the consequences.

He was really sweet though...I spoke a lot, he had to listen...and I fired him with a lot of questions about me and his impressions of me! I needed to understand what was wrong with me, what people though of me when meeting me,when talking to me! I was feeling so vulnerable after M hadn't texted me...felt ignored!

Even if M. had behaved weirdly, even if he left me in such a nasty way...we slept together and women get attached to men when this happens...no matter whether they like the guy or not! Being in bed nacked with someone automatically creates a connection. It is an emtional situation and women put more emtional feeling into it than men (or is it just me thinking this)?

So how come M was ignoring me? Maybe that wasn't his number, maybe he never got the text, maybe....he was just not that into me! And I felt really unhappy!

So I started questioning my date with the aim of understanding what I needed to change to please man on a first date!

Of course I asked questions about him, his job bu in reality, I wasn't really listening. We spent a nice few hours together, without touching a drop of alcohol...but it didn't click...so eventually I used the excuse of studing in order to leave...

But that was the right thing to do...as he texted me straight away to check whether I got home ok (I did not drink, it is still light...why would that be a problem, getting home safe? Just because I live in Brixton?)...and during the week he asked me out again...

Why it is ALWAYS like that? If you fancy someone, in my case, they never ask you out for a second date....if you don't fancy someone...they will most likely ask you out!

Now can someone please explain what is the game? Or what is the solution to this? Cause it is always happening to me!

But you are probably wondering what's happend right? I tried to be nice...not saying much...using work as an excuse...and luckily he is going to be on holiday for three weeks...so maybe by then I will probably find the man of my dreams...and I will use that excuse....

In the meantime....

I will try to keep my legs crossed......

Till the next date...

Random Date...

...and the next one arrived pretty soon....

The Friday after my second MSF date, a colleague (I will call him D.) of one of my best Italian friend (S.) set me up with one of his mates (M.)...not sure how everything started...but as S never keeps his mouth shut, he probably spred the news that I was on a dating site...in his office. So his colleague D started chatting with me on msn and he ended up setting me up with M: "good looking, nice, who has his own company". GREAT...but I wasn't really thinking about it as in the meantime I was still dreaming about my Tursday date (see previous blog)....

Anyway...due to my MSF date being a litlle bit odd the night before...still feeling a little bit hungover...and with alcohol in my body by lunchtime...by the time M arrived at the meeting point...I was a little bit wasted...

Luckily I wasn't by myself...it was all planned as a big night out in east London so there were 8 of us in total...3 girls (myself and two of my Italian friends), D, S, M and other two friends of D.

It all got quite messy, pretty quickly...drinks running all night....chatting away...so if at the beginning I did not really think M was my type...by 12am we had already kissed....

He seems a nice guy, was being really sweet...looking after me (I believe but maybe just felt nice having someone with his arms around your waist) and so the girls seems to be all sorted...(but this is another story)...

The only, slightly annoying problem, was that M kept saying that he had to work the day after...so when, now by 3am, he said it for the 3rd million time...I proposed to leave...and as he was getting a cab...I went with him.

Now my intention was to go home (of course!)...I did not want to end up with him...what kind of first impressions I would have given him? But unfortunately the taxi driver made things worst when he advised that the shorter way was to drop off M first and then me...

By the time we arrvied at his doorstep...thnigs had quite hotten up in the back sit....so when he proposed tea at his...I found it really difficult to say no! It would have been rude not to accept tea from an English men, right?

And we had camomille instead...in the freezing garden...not that I could feel it anyway...trust me!

and from the garden...we moved to his bedroom...

It was all really nice, surreal, weird...of couse I did not sleep much...and when my alarm clock rung at 7am (don't ask!) I was going to kill someone!

In the morning he made me breakfast, which I though was quite sweet...until he said that he usually goes for brunette! WHAT?!!!! Seriosuly considering I am nacked in bed with you...shut your mouth! Cause he did not look like this was true last night! Besides I am a fake blonde! Even a blind can see my regrowth!

And then it just went worst...when he started underlining again the fact that he had to go to work! IT'S SATURDAY MORNING...I HAD 3 HOURS SLEEP...SHUT UP! So I got up and got dressed when he went downstairs...when he came back I was ready to go...but he looked disappointed...he now wanted to listen to music! Seriously...were you not supposed to go to work???

Eventually we left...and when we reached the tube station he just jumped on his picadilly line (I had to wait for the central line to arrive)...and he just said ...."see you soon..."

It was the most akward situation ever! Now I am not 15 anymore...and I know that he was not Prince Charming...but come on!!! From a 36 year old guy I would have expect something different! But probably this was just because I felt emotionally drained...and tired.

So when eventually got myself home, had a shower and some sleep...I texted him cause I didn't like the way we left each other....

He replyed three days later...

His excuse was that "he worked till late Saturday night, he was in hiding cause he had been really sick since....that he was going to call me when he was back on his feet"....

Don't even bother, I thought!

And deleted his number....

Next one please....

Seconf MSF Date

...and the next one seems pretty decent...

The picture was really cute...really amazing blue eyes...I nearly saw the babies with the same coloured eyes (but then I realised this wasn't even my dream as I am not really willing to have children...too selfish..but this is another story)...So I send him the awkward, break the ice, message through the site.

Hate it...how do you bloody catch the attention of someone through an email...of course he is going to check your pictures first....cause at the end of the day, who really cares what my friend has wrote about me...the look is essential (same is for me anyway! Don't even bother reading about the person...just checking the pictures. At the end of the day this is what makes you go and talk to the cute guy in a club. Surely nothing else!)

So one of my pictures is nearly showing my boobs...just to make sure men are looking...(told you...shopping window!)

Anyway loosing the plot here....Sent the first message...and the tricky game is that...you can see if and when the person has read your message...so no reply for few days...Already lost hopes...Too true to be true...

But then...the unpredictable...he replyed...back on the 6th September...I was soooo happy...like a child on Christmas day...

So we started exchanging flirty emails...I simply loved it...Fantasizing about the first time I was going to meet him...while exchanging sexy texts was real fun...and I got excited about meeting this guy...

He was really nice, texting me on my way back from Dublin (gosh how many sexy Irish guys...but again this is another story...)...that Thursday seems ageeeees away...

In the meantime we planned where to go...Westfield shopping center...seems strange but I found it funny and he did not say no...meeting point...I was starting getting nervous and excited at the same time....

He even took the day off...so when Thursday finally arrived...I had to postponed our meeting due to work commitments...but I never worked so hard in a single day...believe me!

Before heading off...needed to calm down...so dragged Camilla to the local for a quick glass of red...and she was nearly as nervous as I was...bless her :)

So here I am...like a girl who kiss a guy for the first time...I arrived to meeting point...too many people...never EVER meet someone in front of a theatre on a Thursday night. But it was a good excuse for him to come and find me...cause I am always nervous of not being able to recognise the person....

And here we were..standing in front of each other....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Not too tall....girly hands...but amazing face...until he smiled. Now I am not generally that fussy...but teeth are one of the first things I look at....but then I thought..."give him the bloke a chance"...so we took the tube and head to the West...

Chatting away until he started asking about the dating site....how many dates I have been on...now I know we met through a dating site...but can we not forget about it for a second? Felt under police interrogation....So tried to be nice, made him feel like he was the only one who caught my eyes (not entirely true but nearly as he was the only who asked me out!)...

And go for another drink...but got some water as well to show that....nooooo I don't really drink much!

Not sure what's happened in between that drink and dinner...but we walked around the shopping mall, chatted away, I actually had fun....and of course I was doing most of the talking...but that just normal...

Then was dinner....nice meat restaurant (to prove that I EAT...and I eat MEAT!)...cosy table...nice wine....but felt sooooo tired...not bored...just exhausted....

Try to condensate your life and experience in 4 hours...for me...simply impossible!

By the end of it...knowing the day after would have been another night out...I called it a night...

But shockingly...he did not even try to kiss me! Now a man who doesn't want to kiss me??? SHOCKING! How dare him!

Anyway played cool...kiss on the check when he got to get to his train…..

I did not realised how pissed I was till the time when I reached home…and started talking in French with my housemates….Just hilarious….nearly forgot I had to text the guy to let him know that I went through Brixton safely1 (Hate that! I’ve been living by myself since I was 19….so few recently :)…moved to London by myself and been living in Brixton for 3 years…so YES I CAN look after myself!)

Anyway he texted me back saying he had a nice time as well….

Then nothing on Friday…not that I was expecting it anyway…but it would have been nice….

Nothing on Saturday…but I was too out of it to even bother thinking about it…

So I texted him on Sunday…knowing already the kind of reply he would have eventually send back…WHY BOTHER considering I did not really fancy him?

Why are women always getting so attached to the first guy who is willing to buy them drinks? Or is it just me???

Anyway…I received the driest text I ever had from a guy….

So I deleted his number….

Next one please….

First MSF Date

After my friend Camilla wrote an amazing profile about me (how do you manage to condensate a person in few lines...just don't know...and most of all how do you judge someone from a description...still not sure)...I uploaded few stunning pictures (with the help of a selected team of guys for the best advise possible)...and here I am...like the girls in the red district in Amsterdam: in a shopping window for English men....

I started going through the search results...and through the guys that Camilla suggested me...

Some looked quite hot....some different in each picture....so I picked the best ones and started sending emails...

Some guys never replied....but then I ignored some of them as well....others replied but then disappeared (typical!)....With other guys...things started hotten up...

Few messages through the site...exchanging email addresses so no one sees that you are not actually working....and then here it is...the dreadful question: 'Shall we meet up'???

Not sure why but I never managed to overcome that step...one thing is meeting someone in a bar and see him again...but another is meeting someone you have been chatting with through emails...all the 'What IF...' questions start....

What IF he is anything like the pictures,

What IF he is booooring;

What IF he smells awful....

But then I think I have grown since my last dating site experience so I needed to prove to myself that I could do it!

First person I was willing to meet was a nice, cute, slightly older man...in all his picture looks so different so I decided to see him face to face as I couldn't judge....

BUT HE CANCELLED ON ME the day we were supposed to meet!

Nice start eh? And never heard from him again...

So....here I am...NO ONE HAS EVER CANCELLED ON ME! How dare him???

But I thought...'You know what?' Who cares...Next one, please...

Let's the Game Begin

...because I had been moaning about the lack of men in my life...one of my birthday presents was a three months subscription to a famous dating site...

I had been on dating sites before...but the experiences had never been really good.

Once I went out with a guy who did not even pay the restaurant bill...but made me run away! Nice impression on a first date, eh?

Obviously I had never seen the guy again...even if he still asked me out...Seriously...what was wrong with him?

I also always though that you must have some issue if you have to go on a dating site in order to find a guy...like you are ugly, or you have some mental problems...but then...why did I go on one? I guess this is probably due to the fact that London is sooooo big...sooooo many people....that it is hard to really meet someone.I meet people all the time...but then my stories do not last long enough...as I mentioned it before...no longer than the first date...

Probably I am picking up the worst left behind...cause definitely the good ones have already been taken...or they are gays....

Once I met this guy during a party...he took my number while I was giving it to the taxi driver and we started chatting...Eventually we went out for dinner...Had an amazing time...a lot alcohol and I believe that helps a lot...or maybe was the opposite...but the guy ended up back to mine...Not the most amazing night ever...but he was sweet and we messaged each other the day after....but then...silence...not a single word! Now considering he was slightly younger than me (you know Madonna and Demi Moore are teaching that toy boy is really fashionable now! So I followed their foot steps!) I was not that bothered...but I CANNOT STAND BEING IGNORED! So eventually, after 10 days, I decided that I needed to know why he disappeared! I told myself that needed to know in order to improve my dating skills....but we all know that's a big lie. I just wanted to feel loved...and needed to know that there was nothing wrong with me! At all! So I texted him and he texted me back explaining that he disappeared because he is moving to another country in few months and didn't want to start a relationship| RELATIONSHIP??? Are you kidding me? Seriously! I replied that he was too young for a relationship...and I was too old for him!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ENGLISH MEN?

Did I mention the R world while I was drunk? Surely not! As much as I would like to find prince charming...no way I would ever scare a man straight away! Or maybe I did scare him anyway!

So this time....it wasn't me...or at least that is what I believe.

Then I thought....If I was 24 and met an older woman...who cares if I am leaving...I would still have fun till then...But this is just me!

So after this disaster...I decided that I was ready to meet as many English men as possible to prove myself that I am a nice person...despite what I think...

But this is another story.....

What's wrong with me???

So...after few years of single life...I thought would have been a good idea to start going out there and check what the London male scene can offer me!

You would probably think that an Italian, nice, quite good looking (but this is just my point of view) single girl would attract a little bit of attention, right?

You couldn't have been more wrong....

Still now I am struggling trying to understand why English men always disappear from my life....I hardly get a second date...and this is quite shocking...that I've started questioning myself. I haven't really figured it out.....but I definitely have few issue that I need to address...cause this is happening...ALL THE TIME!

Now it is the 21st Century...and yeah women are a little bit more independent...but what has been happening with men? Seriously....there is something wrong with them...or with me...

OR maybe I've been out of the dating scene for too long...MAYBE!

So I am sitting here...going through the past few experiences...but they have all ended up in the same way! Shocking! Cause if I carry on like this...probably my new born niece will find a husband before me!

So I have decided to start a blog to see if I am the only one going through dating nightmares or if there is anybody out there who can give me some answers...

Hopefully one day....there will be a happy ending...